are in bed for 2 hours or so, and I wake up because the cat cries. Desperate meows, his voice hoarse and strained into a petition that does not know what to ask. I try to make her drink, massage her tummy, but nothing. Breathing heavily, but continues to issue regular meow that terrified and in pain. It does so on a regular basis, it seems like the ticking of the second hand that unfolds in slow motion nell'ariadella the torture room that is trying.
What's up?!
After a few minutes is no longer able even to stand on one leg, His eyes seem resigned but continued to scream her crying. I'm desperate and do not know what to do. Yet his nose was cool and wet today ...
I'm afraid ...
In the other room sleeping quietly ... I'm terrified I do not know what to do. The small does not detach from my eyes, I can not help but hold it, caress it and return his gaze, which now seems to want me to say ...
Why do not you do anything?
A minute later I fainted and fell silent in the hand. His eyes are open. Three
convulsions through the little body. At 4:50 am is still.
And I have not been able to save it. I did not take what I had ordered to take. I had no money. And I have not thought about. I put my pride in front of his health. In front of his life.
I underestimated the situation. I have not acted with those around me as if appartenessimo the same family. I preferred not to be ashamed. I know enough superb condition and I have prepared for things that she does not eat. I was warned and I felt hurt, not helped. This
leave ... Before Bamboo. Then Bast. It is always my fault.
All this death ...
E 'since I was small we have to do. Since I was 5 years and gave the bread to the sparrows which swelled the crop suffocating. Since the goldfish he won at the fishing village died because I wanted to do the pampering. And then Sissi and Five. And the rabbits died with the wet nose. I hated my mother told me that he had died because I had made them drink, when in fact it was not true. And whistles. And Ball ... What I hated school, my grandfather, his hustle and his mistake. Then I barked Naja because I do not recognize and then felt guilty, he lowered his ears and wags its tail in the corner where he looked at me with eyes clouded by old age. And Cornelia, Tiberius and Gaius that have flown away. And Golden, it was simply taken away. Without that I could greet her, a day that was not there.
Maybe it's time for me to go from here. Maybe I have nothing to bind me here. And maybe that's good. Perhaps this series of events that has lifted me from this place I want to see the world. One thing that I've never seen ...
I wonder why I continue to get attached to those who want to heal, to love, cuddle, even if I spent all that tells me I am helpless.
Thanks to everyone who left me for another life I came to realize that ultimately I can only do my best to make the moment better than the last. The problem is when I feel I have not done enough, or when I feel it was wrong. And when I realize that I knew what I was doing was wrong.
All this "go away" in one way or another, I simply used the "death". I did not cry for Bast. But I felt bad. I had terrible back of the throat. But I did not cry. I'm so sorry for his death. Yet I did not shed a tear. But I did it and Golden Bamboo.
I do not understand why.
The only difference is that you just died. In my hands ...
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